how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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