omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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