Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
