She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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