Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
