you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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