You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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