Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
