I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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