At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's the barista slut.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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