It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
