All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
