i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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