She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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