i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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