is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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