mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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