You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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