1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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