I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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