she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
