did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
