you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
