I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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