I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
