its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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