if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
