she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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