for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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