what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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