how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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