so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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