my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
