that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
