you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
