she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
