I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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