just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize