When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
