I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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