If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
