Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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