in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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