Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize