We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
