Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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