she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
