...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
is it fun? or sober?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
