I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
