yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
