So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize