There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
