like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
