I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Boobs speak an international language.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
