if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize