I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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