New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
