I can text with my tongue
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
