I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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