It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
