So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
