hell yes lets make some ravioli
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
