moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
