Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
