if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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