I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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