I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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