I wannas sexs uuuuu
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
