.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
