On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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