I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
