I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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