Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
