French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
