I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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