Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just threw up on my dentist
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
