how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
