champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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