I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize