his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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