i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
