I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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