I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
