it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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