dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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