Sponge bath it is.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
