He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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