her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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