I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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